Fresh Start Challenge Day 22: Age Old Question

Everyone has that one thing they will always look back on and think "What if?". I have several but the one that sticks out the most is what if it was my fault? What if I did drive him to abuse me? I wasn't the best girlfriend to him, the fights weren't ever one sided. It was always both of us. I will admit that I did not just sit idly by while he was yelling in my face. There were probably fights that I instigated or made worse by me firing back at him. I will always wonder if things could have gone differently or at the very least not as bad as things got. I wonder if, in addition to forgiving him, do I need to forgive myself? Did I contribute to the pain that was inflicted? Are the repercussions I feel to this day partially my fault? If I were to ask him, I'm sure he would fully blame me. I was mean, a bitch, and whatever else he could come up with to shift the blame from him to me.