Fresh Start Challenge Day 12: My Ex

It would be so easy to fill this with hate and anger for my ex but that would make me no better than him. Do not get me wrong, I am angry that he treated me the way he did but all of the fault does not rest with him. Do I excuse the fact that he laid his hands on me? No. Do I think that things could have gone differently had I held my temper? Maybe.

The things I would say to my ex if given the chance would be that I forgive him and that I hope one day that he can admit his faults and forgive himself. I would also thank him for all he put me through because it taught me that some people are just looking for someone to fix them and I tried. Lord I tried to help him, I didn't realize at first that helping him was hurting me.

We were too volatile to date. As friends we were fine but dating was like a battlefield. Lines were drawn and crossed each and every second. I was mean to him and I did things I shouldn't have done and said things I shouldn't have said. Even in that there was a line drawn, I never imagined that one would be crossed.

He made me hate myself. After we broke up, I was left with so many questions. How could I have been so weak? How could I just let this happen? Why didn't I speak up sooner? Why didn't I send him to jail? The answers to all of these questions were the same: despite what he had done for me, I did care for him. I cared enough about him to believe when he said it wouldn't happen again, every time he said it and every time he lied.

If I saw him tomorrow, I would look him straight in his eyes and thank him. I would thank him for making me a stronger person. I would thank him for shoving me straight into the arms of someone who really does love and care for me. I would thank him for the lessons he taught me.